Get me outta here!
By: L.L. Schultz, L.L. Schultz, Dirty Boot Recovery Trailblazers 10/1/2021
In verbally abusive relationships, there are SOMETIMES signs in the beginning that the person you’re embarking on a relationship might be abusive later. Sometimes there are no signs.
One thing is for sure, abusive people are GREAT at being on their very best behavior when they need to be, to make themselves look good and to cover their “Mr. Hyde” face in front of someone they’re trying to impress, get what they want, or in public (because that’s their cover). They are VERY charming people. When they WANT to be.
It’s not always that victims just ignore the signs. Many times they’re just not THERE.
Other times there are some indicators, but we don’t SEE them because, unless we *know* what we were looking for (and many people don’t) – we simply don’t recognize them. It’s only later we begin searching for answers and find ourselves researching, reading a self-help book, opening up to a trustworthy friend, talking to a counselor, or (hindsight is 20/20) they think “uh-huh, oh yea…I see that now”.
However, they didn’t see it then. And Usually, there are a lot of reasons for that, but weakness, stupidity, inferiority to someone else, “just making bad choices”, or lack of personal responsibility are NONE of them.
So, I think some education is key. This is what opens the door to our future. This is where we begin to find out who we are now and who we want to be in the future. This is the place where we came to figure “them” out but we find ourselves. This is where we learn words like boundaries, respect, self-control and we learn that it’s acceptable to make choices with ourselves as the center focus… Not the abuser.” Therefore, self-education brings us out from behind the walls of fear, insecurity, confusion, doubt, resentment, and all that negativity. It’s the fork in the road on which we stand, knowing the future is up to us. Which way will go? Backward? Forwards? Left or right? Nobody has the answer for us. We are the answer! We must try to envision what each future looks like at this point.
It’s scary, as hell. It’s the unknown. It’s supposed to be scary because that’s how we learn that we are survivors! We walk through the fire knowing that some of it will burn like Hell but we do it anyway!
If you remember one thing and one thing only, remember YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Many of us have walked before you. We walked through that same fire before you. We can support you when you are weak, pick you up when you fall, and lead you out to the other side. To the LIGHT!
Many victims of abuse instinctively know “something” isn’t right with their relationships AFTER the behaviors start peaking out from around the corners of where they used to hide and things start to escalate. . There’s an uncomfortable feeling now. Things seem louder, hotter and the grips feel tighter than they used to. You may feel somewhat isolated. It’s harder to keep the peace and nothing you do seems to be good enough anymore. It’s getting dark and toxic and nasty and they can’t seem to get out of that cycle. If you are in that darkness, understand that you don’t have to stay there. There is light on the other side. Trust yourself, trust your gut, and know that by allowing yourself to find you, will be amazed at the person you have become when you step into the light!
May you keep hope in your heart and peace in your soul. You deserve it more than you know.